Scrolling through the World Cup games before the tournament started I picked out New Zealand vs Slovakia as the least interesting in the finals. So I thought I’d watch it, in its entirety.
Sometimes the least hyped games turn out to be the best and I could find myself pleasantly surprised. Who would come out on top in the battle of the World Cup minnows?
The Slovakian team contains some players of renown – Stanislav Sestak scored six goals in World Cup qualifying and Marek Hamsik is coveted by some of Europe’s biggest clubs. But it was the Kiwis I was more interested in seeing.
That their side contained players who turned out for AFC Wimbledon, Worksop and Yeading in their time tells you all you need to know about the All Whites. And what is it with Kiwi sides and their colour-themed nicknames? Urban myth or otherwise, the New Zealand shuttlecock team are known as “the Black C**ks”. I daren’t try and verify it on Google.
As the national anthems struck up I dearly hoped this would be the only time when the sides weren’t on song. The first half hour didn’t fill me with confidence, however, and it was defined by shanked clearances, over hit free kicks and shots blasted high and wide.
As a consequence, my mind wandered away from the football and onto lookalikes. I had to double take when I saw Martin Skrtel, who I was convinced was Wentworth Miller from ‘Prison Break’, and New Zealand’s Simon Elliot is a dead-ringer for Art Garfunkel. Apparently he is penning a song about his search for England's no.21 in the Rainbow Nation: For Emile, Whenever I May Find Him.
Slovakia began to get a foothold in the game with Vladimir Weiss and Hamsik looking to have more quality than their opponents. Both were involved in a clever free-kick routine in the 43rd minute with Mark Paston palming Hamsik’s shot over the bar.
The European team eventually opened the scoring through Robert Wittek with a strike which will certainly not feature in the ‘Goal of the Tournament’ competition. “A bread and butter goal” was BBC commentator Martin Keown’s accurate description.
At this point, the game entered a lull with few meaningful chances. Weiss was denied by a last-ditch tackle by Winston Reid after a decent move, and the Kiwi Shane Smeltz – who I’m sure had a tough time of things at school – missed a decent chance at the other end.
Then in the 93rd minute – drama! The Slovakian defence, thinking they had the game won, switched off and Winston Reid nipped in and scored with a header. The Kiwis had secured a point they barely deserved, their first in World Cup history.
Was it drama enough to leave me pleasantly surprised as I had hoped? I would say "no". Like many a match at these finals it was a disappointment, with New Zealand looking like a limited side and Slovakia looking good, but not quite good enough to break down a well-drilled outfit.
Oh well, Chile play Honduras at the same time tomorrow.
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